My nightmare started about 17 years ago. I met this boy when I was in middle school, and I really liked him because he was quiet just like me. We started dating and about a year and a half later, our baby girl was born. I was only 16 years old at the time, but I was so excited. Everything between us was fine up to the point I had our daughter. It didn't matter what I said to him, he would take it wrong at hit me. I lived with my parents at the time and I should've went and told them what was happening but I wanted to protect the very thing that was hurting me.
It got to the point that if I wasn't intimate with him when he wanted, he would sit and hit me until I finally gave in. I remember sitting in the corner of my bedroom taking all those beatings. I would go over to his house, and the same kind of thing would happen there. I remember his mother had a baby monitor, and it was on so I know she could hear everything going on but I think she was scared of him just like I was. I finally had enough a year after my daughter was born and I moved on.
Well, as it turns out I went from one bad relationship to another. With this boy I remember a time we had drove to one of his friends houses. He took the keys to my car, started hitting me, and busted my car mirror. All because I asked to go home to my daughter... I sat in my cold car for a couple of hours asking myself why I would put up with this. I was so scared to tell anyone.
A year later, I met a new man... He treated both me and my daughter beautifully. We ended up getting married and welcomed another perfect little girl to our family. I remember the first time things started turning bad. I was upstairs cleaning my kids toy room and he kept telling me to get out of the room. I didn't really understand why so I refused. He ended up coming up the stairs and dragging me down them to get me out of that room. I found out later it was because he had hidden drugs and didn't want me finding them.
One night we went on a family adventure up North, when we finished our outing he started drinking heavily. I was on the freeway and I guess I said something he didn't agree with, it made him extremely mad. He grabbed the steering wheel and yanked it so hard that we almost hit the cement barrier. I turned to look at him and he slammed my head against the car window. I had the courage to quickly pull into a gas station, where I told him to get out. He jumped out of the car and grabbed my youngest daughter, but I wasn't about to leave without her. I convinced her to get back in the car with me and we left. I found a cop a few miles down the road and told him what had happened. When they went back to pick him up, he was nowhere to be found. I headed home with both my girls, I just wanted them, and myself to be safe.
I woke up the next morning to him in my house. I told him he couldn't be there, and the cops were looking for him. He ran at me and started choking me. After what felt like forever I mustered up the strength to kick him off me, and he left.
Things mellowed out for a few years, but then the insanity started again, attack and assault again and again...Things were out of control. I remember a time when he pointed a gun at my forehead and cocked it back... when I looked into his eyes, there was just nothing. No emotions, no feelings, nothing... After running from the law for what seemed like forever, the police finally caught up to him, and he went to prison for four years, which helped him with his recurring drug problem.
I will never get closure from my first abuser because he passed away. It's very hard for me to even tell my story. I have a lot more I should share, but I struggle still to this day. I have PTSD because of them, hearing and seeing a loaded gun against your head is something you never get over. I was so much like my dear friend Kammy. I didn't want anyone to know what was going on because I loved these men more than I loved myself. For the people out there who can't seem to find the strength to get help, you can do it, and I pray and hope you do. Listen, My dear friend lost her life because she didn't get the help she needed.
Five years ago today, October 17 2012... Was the day my life forever changed.
I was in the process of leaving my abusive ex husband. We had been together for ten years, married for seven. We had two little boys ages five and three at the time. My mom was coming to Utah from Alaska to help me get divorced and help with the kids.
For three years he had been physically and verbally/emotionally abusive. When he found out that my mother was coming he completely lost it. He drove down to Fairview and I was caught off guard when he showed up at my family's farm while I was feeding the horses. I tried not to engage in any altercations as I had been doing since letting my mom know I needed her to come home. Despite my efforts, things changed fast. While at the farm he continued to slam his finger into my chest yelling about my mom coming. Both of my boys were there. After a while of him screaming he jumped into his car and took off with my wallet. I called him asking for my wallet back and he told me that nothing belonged to me, called me a B**** about five hundred times and threatened me. I left the farm and figured I would drive up to Orem where his parents lived and where I knew he was staying, call the cops there, and get my wallet. I got to the intersection to head to Mount Pleasant on 89 when his car pulled up next to me. I asked again for my wallet and he said "B**** I told you, you own nothing and it's my F****** wallet now." I stayed calm and told him that I would call the cops. He started to yell at my oldest son (who was five at the time) "Look at what mommy is doing, she is gonna have the cops kill your daddy!" My son started to cry and said please don't tell the cops mommy. At that point I pulled out onto Highway 89 south toward the town. He put his car in reverse and slammed his car into the back of my truck. He then flipped his car around and sped toward us. I was slowing down freaked out that he just messed up the truck. I was asking the boys if they were okay. He passed me and the entire rear end of his car was completely smashed. I pulled off the highway and headed back to Fairview to check my truck. Will called my cell and began apologizing for hitting the truck. I cut loose on him. How dare he do that with my children in the car! He begged me not to call the cops and said he just wanted to see the boys. That he would return my wallet and say goodbye to the kids and go to his parents. I was foolish enough to believe him. I told him I would not meet him at the house, that he would have to meet me between Mount Pleasant and Fairview. I thought that if I was on the side of the road with cars passing, I would be safe. I was wrong.
We met in a parking area on the side of the road and he pulled his car in behind my truck. I locked the doors and rolled down my windows just enough to talk and for him to pass me my wallet. He kept telling me to unlock the door and until I did so he would not leave or give up the wallet. I was such a brainwashed girl. So scared of this monster that I eventually complied. As soon as the door was opened he climbed in the truck over me and grabbed both the boys by the arms and began ripping them out of the truck. I grabbed my three year old and we began a tug of war with my baby. I instantly let go knowing my ex husband would sooner hurt my son than release him. At that last moment my little brother called me and I answered frantically telling him what was happening. My ex has always been afraid of my brother as soon as he realized who I was talking to, he put my kids back in the truck.
The last thing my brother said before our call dropped was "I'm headed to Utah" (He was in California at the time). As soon as Will figured the call had been lost he started his apologies. Begging me to let him spend time with the boys. Both boys at this time were a total wreck, crying and panicking. He told me he would take the boys to the house and I could just wait for him to hang out with them and then he would leave. Once again I complied, at this point I was desperate for him to just leave and would do almost anything to see him gone.
I followed him to the house and he pulled up into the driveway, I didn't want him to trap my truck so I stayed behind his car. I shut off the truck and the boys headed into the house. Will told them he had a new game for them to play. I stayed in the truck with the doors locked and the window cracked. My phone rang and it was my brother, I answered and began to tell him what happened, then Will walked out of the front door. I told my brother I would call him right back. That was almost the last phone call I would ever make.
Will tried to open the door to the truck and then told me to unlock it, that I needed to come in the house and spend "family time" with him and the boys. I naturally refused. He continued to beg and then he started to threaten me. At this point, the boys came running outside. My oldest was in front of my three year old. Will turned to my five year old and asked him, "Do you know why daddy hits mommy? Do you know why daddy drags mommy by the throat?" My sweet little boy replied "No daddy, why do you do that?" Will said "Because mommy is bad and says bad things to daddy, and that's what daddies do to mommies who are bad." At that point I jumped out of the truck. I grabbed my boys and put them in the truck, started it up and threw it into reverse. He was on top of me as soon as I threw that truck in reverse. I reached for my phone that was next to me and he grabbed it and threw it out of the truck onto the lawn. I knew I needed to call the cops. I went to jump out of the truck with him still on top of me. He jumped out behind me when he realized that I was going for my phone and he got to it before I did. I heard my boys scream. I turned around and the truck was rolling down the driveway. I ran for the truck which at this point was picking up speed and tried to jump in it. Will ran too and slammed me in the shoulder saying get the F*** out of the way. I slipped and was holding onto the steering wheel and he kept pushing me down. I felt the driver side tire roll over my right foot. I couldn't hold on any longer as the tire pulled me under. The truck rolled over my legs, hips, and torso. When it got to my shoulder I knew I was going to be dead as soon as it ran over my head. At that point all of my ribs shattered throwing my shoulder forward and the truck fell off my body. It then went over my right hand and turned it into hamburger, amputating some of my fingers and partially amputating others. Will got out of the truck and asked me to get up. I said if I moved I was going to die. The boys got out of the truck at that point and heard me say I was going to die. My three year old sat down next to me and began trying to put my fingers back on. My five year old lay down on top of me crying "mommy don't die!" My ribs couldn't handle his weight on me. My neighbor cam running to me and called 911. I sustained broken ribs, amputated fingers, a bruised lung, damaged pancreas, a six inch deep laceration in my hip. My right foot was shattered and completely compressed with permanent nerve damage and loss of blood supply. I was transported to a hospital where a police officer came in and for the first time in years, I realized I was living in an abusive marriage. A life time protective order was later issued. I now advocate for domestic abuse.
I was given a second chance at this life, one I will not take for granted. Perhaps my second chance will give other women in abusive situations a second chance as well..
My story starts when I was only 16 years old and a gentleman caught my attention. My world revolved around him. Soon after meeting him, I discovered his demons. He was the sweetest, gentlest soul while I carried our first child at the age of 17. Things were going really well for a while.
When our son was around 6 months old, the abuse and devastation began, and at first it was just simple yelling. That moved into more yelling and a small shove here or there. Eventually it moved into throwing things at me and more physical attacks. He was spiraling out of control... There was the day when I started my first job (I was 18) and when I came home from work, my son, and my two small nieces were at home unattended... while he lay passed out from intoxication upstairs. I ran up to our room and confronted him about the issue, and he attacked me. From that day, it only got worse. No matter how much I hoped and begged it never got better, He never got better.
Then came the night that changed my life forever. The night of my 19th birthday... My barely 1 year old son witnessed his father, my husband, the man I put all my love into... beat me nearly to death. That night, my sweet boy saved my life... Somehow he snapped his father out of the blind rage he was experiencing, which stopped him from the brutal attack, and gave me a chance, preventing anything worse from happening. I won't go into too many specifics, but as a result of that night I now have permanent damage to my right eye, which also brings the most severe visual headaches that could bring even the toughest person to tears.
But because of that night, I am a stronger person. I am a better person, and I honestly feel it has enhanced my view of everything in life. I was his weak and powerless victim for over a year, but now I've become the survivor he fears. He may have damaged me, but he never broke my spirit.
I feel my son and I have a very close and special connection because of that night and the kind of trauma we experienced. He is a fierce protector of both his baby sister and I. I am raising him to not only be a better man than his father was, but the best one he can be.
"My story comes in two separate parts. The first one, was when I had recently moved up to the big city from my small home town. I didn't have a lot of friends so one of my coworkers suggested I try a site called MeetMe to find some new people to hang out with and maybe someone to date. That's where I met my first abuser. At first, he really turned on the charm, taking me out on expensive dates and buying me flowers. He was as sweet as could be, or so I thought. Over a years time, our relationship went from sunshine and young love, to a nightmare. He would degrade me, call me names, he would get drunk and lash out... pinning me to the wall or floor as he yelled at me and threatened me. What finally ended it was the day he really snapped. He had been caught cheating on me, and I found out which did not make him happy. As I grabbed all my things and threw them out onto the porch in my escape attempt he got more and more angry. As I grabbed my last bag and went to run out the door. He caught me by the arm. I stopped halfway out the door, as he then slammed me against the door frame... then repeatedly slammed my ankle and leg in the metal door fracturing the bones in my foot, and ankle badly. As I got in my car a wave of relief rushed over me, I was free. Now, Fast forward to 2015, when I began the relationship with my second abuser. He was a charmer, he came in the form of a good friend trying to console me through my depression and previous relationship issues. We became very close and ended up dating shortly after. The prince charming on the outside in no way matched the monster that lay dormant inside of him. I quickly found out he was an extreme narcissist who was also very heavily involved in Methamphetamine and Heroine. The drugs only amplified his rage and his paranoia. He isolated me entirely, I was not allowed to go to work, I was not allowed to go to the store, I was not allowed to be on social media, or text without his permission and constant monitoring. It got worse and worse. I had a gun held to my head, I was pushed down stairs, I had him get angry with me and slice up his arms and wrists and then attack me when I tried to help him, getting blood all over me. He did very disturbing things that even to this day, I have a hard time speaking about. Around thanksgiving... I found out I was pregnant. In Christmas of 2015 I miscarried. On New Years Day, January 1 2016 He finally snapped entirely. As we were parked in his truck at Target, out of nowhere he started yelling at me because of the baby. He then in the blink of an eye, was on top of me on the bench seat of that truck strangling me... I struggled, I couldn't breathe, I couldn't scream, I tried so hard to fight him off, he then hit me with his elbow in my mouth, then started strangling me again. When I was on the verge of losing consciousness, he let go and started driving away from the parking lot. I remember everything being foggy, I was dizzy, and nothing made much sense and I just laid curled up on the passenger side floor. He kept telling me, I can't let you go now, I can't now that it's gone this far. He pulled into a gas station to get himself a drink. I saw the opportunity and took it. When I knew he was inside the store, I jumped out of the truck and ran with all I had to a nearby restaurant, where I called my mom. I then managed to walk to my house, where I then attempted suicide, and thankfully failed. I ended up being admitted to the hospital. I sit here nearly 2 years later, and I am free, I am happy, and I am doing so well. I let him treat me like that because I thought I could fix him. But I couldn't you cannot fix a narcissist.
Choose To Survive, Get the Help. Your Life Matters.
"My story starts with my high school sweetheart, we had drifted apart because we just lead different lives. I was in a low place in my life when we started talking again. At first he was kind and loving, but that didn't last long. He was manipulative, he had me wrapped around his finger and from there things slowly got worse. He threatened to hurt my friends and family if I didn't do as he asked, and I believe he really would have too. To save my family, I left everyone and everything behind to move away with him. He took EVERYTHING from me, Isolated me from the rest of the world, and he made me feel like nothing. He put me in horrible positions, which lead to many bruises, a fractured leg, a concussion, and at one point almost losing my life. My abuser lost his temper and came after me, throwing me across the room and started to strangle me. I was lucky someone walked into the room, that is what saved my life. I was able to get a message to my family, who then got me a bus ticket to come home. Early in the morning I was tip-toeing around trying to pack all of my stuff when he woke up. I was luckily able to text my sister before he attacked me, and within a few minutes there was a police officer at the door ready to escort me to the bus station. I made it home to my loving family, and I am now living a happy life.
Please Don't Stay Silent.... You're Not Alone. "